psychoticpingouins:

48 years ago a girl said “oh fuck me” to her best friend while walking in the street, a guy who randomly passed by answered by “let me at least buy you dinner first”. I present to you my grandparents, in love since then and celebrating their 47 years of marriage today.

(via paging-doctorfaggot)

(Source: d0gbl0g, via epic-humor)

laugh-addict:

Expectation:

Reality:

 

(Source: shutyourface09)

(Source: tankwang, via thelaughingmango)

royal-high:

a kid from my school just got expelled today for pretending to be russian for 8 months. he pretended he couldn’t read, write or talk english  he did good in all his classes because he had all the teachers and principles convinced he just moved from russia, so they didn’t make him do any work

(via thelaughingmango)

jadecake:

paledreamers:

danosaur-and-phillion:

activatewindows:

letshope:

Sickest Candle ever.

It’s like the olympic closing ceremony…

funny story about these, i had a red one on my birthday and everyone was like “wow this is the coolest fucking thing ever” and it plays music and all that, but when it came to actually eating the cake and taking the candle out, there was no off switch, so we had to smash it to pieces in the back garden to shut it up. turns out if you smash it up the music box still works. when i was in bed at 3am i could hear something so i opened the window, and it sounded like a tune you would hear in a horror movie before someone gets their body ripped to shreds and eaten. sleep well munchkins. you dont want this fucking thing.

^^^^^^^^MY MOTHER BOUGHT THIS FOR ME WHEN I TURNED 14 IT DIDNT STOP PLAYING WE DROWNED IT FOR 5 HOURS AND IT STARTED PLAYING THE SECOND YOU TOOK IT OUT OF THE WATER MY BROTHER SMASHED IT AGAINST THE  WALL 5 TIMES IT DIDNT STOP MY MOTHER THREW IT OUT 3 BLOCKS AWAY 

i love how every single time i see this there’s a new horror story about this candle

(Source: bored-im, via livefortoday-dreamoutloud)

James Franco just received his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

is that a doll of himself omg

(Source: jamesfrancoforever, via livefortoday-dreamoutloud)

blein:

sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST 

(via hallucinojens)

laugh-addict:

 

“…Do you know how many fucks I give?”

 

(Source: keishaissooawesome)

(via thatsqualitystuff)